


No Good In Goodbye

by KrashlynTrash



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-04 13:36:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5336009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrashlynTrash/pseuds/KrashlynTrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They both have something to tell the other...one will keep them together and the other will tear them apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ashlyn has been pacing back and forth in front of the sofa for more than twenty minutes. Shoving her hands into the pockets of her black jeans, then pulling them out again and nervously running them through her hair. She has ten minutes until Ali gets home, ten minutes of being nervous and jittery until the brunette gets back to their house. Ten minutes for her to build up the courage to tell Ali what she needs to tell her.

“Fuck okay, you’ve got this Harris.” Ashlyn mutters to herself as she walks into the kitchen. Groaning as she leans against the kitchen counter, her palms flat against the cool black counter.

Ali on the other hand has been putting all of her concentration into her training session, the sole reason being that she needs a distraction for what she is going to do when she gets home. What’s she’s going to ask Ashlyn. She needs a distraction otherwise she’ll end up talking herself out of it and she knows that she can’t do that. She needs to ask her soon otherwise she’s never going to ask her.

Once she’s completed her training session she grabs her bag and her jacket out of her locker and then walks out of the gym. Grabbing her keys out of her bag and then unlocking her car as she steps closer to it. The pulls open the back door and throws her bag and jacket inside, slamming the door shut and then getting into front seat of the car. 

She starts the engine and begins the twenty minute car journey home, thinking about what she’s going to say to Ashlyn when she gets home. If she’s going to ask her when they’re out tonight or if she’s going to ask her when they get back. Is she’s even going to ask her tonight or is she going to chicken out like the three times previous to this?

Ashlyn is still pacing, and she’s beginning to annoy herself now.

She hears the key in the lock and the annoying creaking sound the front door makes when it’s pushed open. She knows that Ali is home. She takes a deep breath and smiles to herself as she hears Ali getting closer to her. She feels two arms wrap around her waist and a head rest on her back, she slowly turns around and wraps her arms around Ali, kissing the side of her head while staring at the wall in front of her.

“I’m taking you out tonight.” Ali mumbles, glancing up at the blonde while giving her a small smile and leaning up to press her lips against the taller girl’s. “Dress nice, wear that blue shirt I bought you.”

“Anything for you princess.” Ashlyn replies, still avoiding looking at Ali because she knows that she can’t do this now. Not when Ali is taking her out, not when it sounds like Ali has planned something for this, she can’t do that to her.

Ali kisses Ashlyn once more before unwrapping herself from the blonde and peeling her t-shirt off, throwing it at Ashlyn and then walking towards the stairs with a smirk on her face.

“I’m going in the shower.”

“Hmm okay.” Ashlyn mumbles, placing Ali’s t-shirt in the laundry hamper as she watches her girlfriend walk up the stairs and in the direction of their bathroom. She leans against the kitchen counter and groans as she slide down to the floor, pulling her phone out of her pocket as she sits down.

She unlocks her phone and then finds the number she’s looking for; Alex’s number. Why the fuck did she have to save her name as something stupid and not Alex? Then it would be at the fucking top of her contacts list.

When she finally finds Alex’s name she taps on it and then lightly presses the call icon before bringing her phone up to her ear and listing to the dial tone. The second Alex answers Ashlyn whispers into her phone.

“I’m going to do it tonight.”

“Do what?”

“That thing we were talking about.” Ashlyn mumbles, staring at the tiled floor in front of her. Alex is the only person that Ashlyn has talked to about this. She’s the only person that Ashlyn has trusted with knowing what she’s going to do.

“Ash you’re going to have to tell me more I have no idea what you’re talking out.”

“Remember that conversation we had in Orlando?”

“Oh about you and Ali?”

“Yea, and do you remember what I said I was going to do to make it easier for her?” Ashlyn asks hoping that Alex might have caught on to what she’s talking about so she doesn’t have to actually say it out loud until she has to tell Ali.

“You’re going to do it tonight? Are you sure Ash?”

“If I don’t do it now I’ll never do it and it’s not fair on her.” Ashlyn says in a serious tone, mainly to let Alex know that she’s serious about her decision and nothing can change her mind about what she’s going to do.

“It’s going to break her Ashlyn, it’s going to break you as well.”

“I’ll be fine, and she will be okay once she realises why I’m doing it.”

“Ash please think about what will happen once you’ve done it.”

“I have. And we’ll both be upset and she’ll hate me, but I’d rather have her hating me than having to love me from fucking DC while I’m in Florida.”

“Fine, okay. Call me if you need me Ash.”

“I will, bye Alex.” Ashlyn mutters into her phone, pulling it away from her ear and ending the call before placing her phone on the kitchen floor next to her. Tears slowly begin to roll down her cheeks at the realisation of what she’s going to do.

She’s going to break Ali Krieger’s heart.

While Ashlyn is sat on the kitchen floor silently crying to herself; her girlfriend is sat on their bed, with the bedroom door locked. Her phone in her left hand and a small black box in her right hand, the box is open and she’s staring at the simple silver band that sits inside.

“So are you going to ask her tonight?” Kyle asks, his voice laced with excitement because his little sister is finally asking the girl she loves to be in her life forever and nothing can make him happier than that.

“Yes.”

“How are you going to ask her?” Kyle asks in an excited tone causing Ali to roll her eyes because she knows that her brother is probably jumping up and down wanting to hear for probably the fifth time how Ali is going to ask Ashlyn.

“You already know.” Ali snaps before letting out a sigh because there was no reason for her to snap at Kyle like that but she did anyway.

“Wow okay you’re snappy tonight.”

“Sorry, I’m just nervous.” Ali explains, placing the small box on the bed next to her. Running her fingers through her damp hair

“Why, she loves you Alex. She’ll say yes.” Kyle practically yells down the phone while laughing slightly at the fact that his sister thinks that Ashlyn could actually say no to her. Anyone that has been around the couple for more than ten minutes knows how much they love each other.

“She might not Kyle.”

“Shut up Alex.”

“What? Kyle I’m serious she might say no. She might not want to spend the rest of her life with me. She can change her mind about whether she loves me or not Kyle and that fucking scares me. She might want to start over in Orlando.”

“You’re over thinking Alex, just relax and you’ll be fine, I promise you. Ashlyn loves you too much to not want to spend the rest of her life with you.”

“Okay, I love you Kyle.” Ali says into her phone, shutting the small black box and then placing it back in the draw on her bed side table.

“I love you too, now get ready for you night out.” Kyle instructs and Ali ends the call, sliding the draw shut and then standing up. She lets her towel fall to the ground as she begins getting ready for her night out with her girlfriend.

In the kitchen Ashlyn is still sat on the kitchen floor, wiping her face with the back of her hand. She pushes herself up, picking her phone up. Holding on to the kitchen counter to keep her balance, she places her phone on the counter before she makes her way towards the stairs. Once she’s at the bottom of the staircase she lets out a sigh and then begins walking up them, one step at a time.

She makes her way towards the bedroom she shares with Ali, taking a deep breath before slowly pushing the door open and stepping inside. She shuts the door and leans against it while Ali turns around and smiles at her. The smile dropping the second she sees her girlfriends tear stained cheeks.

“Ash what’s wrong.”

“I-I have something I need to tell you.”

“What is it? You’re scaring me Ash.” Ali mumbles, stepping closer to her girlfriend and placing her hand on the blonde’s shoulder. Ashlyn glances at Ali before quickly looking away because if she looks at her long enough she knows that she’ll back out and it’s taken her most of the day to talk herself into doing this.

“I-I um I think…” Ashlyn manages to get out before another wave of tears are making their way down her cheeks and she crumbles, falling to the floor which just makes Ali panic even more than she was before.

“Shit, Ash are you okay?” Ali asks, her voice laced with panic as she kneels in front of Ashlyn. Using her right hand to brush the strays of blonde hair out of her face. When the blonde looks up Ali is sure that her heart breaks. The bloodshot eyes that are staring back at her cause her heartrate to increase as she continues to panic over what has got her girlfriend so worked up.

“Please don’t touch me Al, just don’t.” Ashlyn whispers, moving back so that the hand that is resting against her face is no longer there. She looks away from Ali because she knows that there will be a hurt expression on the brunette’s face.

“Can you just tell me what’s going on Ashlyn?”

“I think…I, fuck. I think that we should break-up.” Ashlyn manages to get out. Hearing Ali gasp she glances up and Ali is just stood in front of her, tears rolling down her cheeks. Ashlyn quickly stands up and attempts to wrap her arms around the defender before getting shoved away.

“You think what?”

“Don’t make me say it again.”

“No I want you to say it. Ashlyn fucking say it again.” Ali demands, running her fingers through her hair while glaring at the blonde. She can’t so this, she can’t throw away years of love and trust just like that, can she?

“I think we should break up.” Ashlyn mumbles, keeping her eyes on Ali as the words leave her mouth and even though she’s looking at the brunette the slap she receives still shocks her.

“You’ve got to be fucking joking Ashlyn.”

“Why would I joke about something like this Alex?!” Ashlyn yells, disgusted at the thought of Ali thinking that she would be joking about something as serious as this.

“Because you can’t fucking mean it! We’re good together Ashlyn, I fucking love you. I was going to fucking propose to you tonight for fucks sake!” Ali screams back at the blonde, tears continuing to coat both of their cheeks as they stand in the middle of the room staring at each other.

“W-what?”

Ali lets out a bitter laugh and walks towards her side of the bed, pulling open the draw where she placed the small black box. She carefully picks up and then turns around so she’s facing Ashlyn again.

“I was going to ask you to marry me, I guess this is pointless now.” The defender replies, throwing the box at Ashlyn. She quickly turns around and makes her way into the bathroom that is attached to their bedroom, she slams the door shut and locks it.

Ashlyn keeps the box in her hands, falling the ground and slowly opening the box. Sobbing when she sees the simple silver band inside. Ali was going to ask her to be her wife and she fucked it up. They could’ve worked through the distance. It wasn’t even a big distance, it was certainly smaller than the distance between America and Germany.

Ashlyn just took the trust that Ali had for her and ripped it the shreds, the trust that took years to build and she destroyed it within seconds. She quickly runs her hands over her face, brushing the tears off her cheeks and then stands up. Shoving the ring in the middle of the bed. The blonde spots Ali’s phone on the bed and picks it up, unlocking it before calling herself a taxi to arrive in half an hour.

She ends the call, placing the phone back on the bed, before bending down and grabbing a bag from under the bed, beginning to fill it with her belongings, having a feeling that Ali will want her out of the house as soon as possible.

The tall keeper pulls open the closet and starts grabbing her shirts, t-shirts and jackets. Quickly folding them and shoving them into the bag. She goes back to the closet and grabs her jeans, shorts and sweat pants, pilling them on top of her shirts. She quickly grabs handfuls of underwear and socks before sliding them into the side pockets on the bag.

“W-what are you doing?”

Ashlyn quickly turns around and is met with a teary Ali Krieger.

“I thought you’d want me gone.”

“So you meant what you said then?”

“I…Yes.”

“Fine.” Ali mumbles, walking further into the room and helping the blonde pack because even though they’re no longer together she still fucking loves the idiotic goalkeeper.

“I’m sorry Alex.”

“Don’t.” Ali hisses, shoving a pile of Nike training gear into the blonde’s hands. “Where are you even going to stay?”

“I don’t know.”

“So you thought you’d break my heart and then leave without having anyway to stay, great plan Ashlyn.”

“It’s not as simple as that Alex.”

“Of course it fucking is. You break me. You leave. You find some girl to stay with. Simple.”

Ashlyn decides to ignore Ali’s comment, instead continuing to pack her bag. She leaves the training gear on the end of the bed along with a few of her other things before turning to face Ali, who is still watching her.

“I’ll come back for these soon.”

“Whatever.” Ali mumbles under her breath because right now she just wants Ashlyn away from her so she can cry and hate her without having to look at her because every single time she looks at Ashlyn she falls in love with her all over again.

“I’m so sorry Alex.” Ashlyn say, zipping her bag up and then reaching for the black box that is still sitting in the middle of the bed. She takes a step closer to Ali and places to box into the brunette’s hand. “Bye Alex.”

Ashlyn walks out of the room and makes her way down the stairs, walking into the kitchen and pulling open the draw where their passports are kept, she picks up hers. She then grabs her wallet and phone off the kitchen counter, sliding them into her pockets along with her car keys.

“Ash wait.” Ali says as the blonde walks towards the front door, she turns around and Ali is stood behind her. The defender walks towards Ashlyn, grabbing the collar of her t-shirt and pulling her down for one last kiss. Ashlyn drops her bag to the ground and wraps her arms around Ali, holding her body close to hers. Ali pulls away when she feels the kiss becoming too passionate.

“What was that for?”

“I just wanted one last kiss.”

They both stand there, staring into each other’s eyes until a loud honking pulls them back into reality. Ashlyn removes her arms from around Ali, picking her bag up and walking towards the door again.

“I love you.”

“Then don’t do this.” Ali counteracts because if Ashlyn really loved her then she wouldn’t be leaving her. If she loved her like she said she does then she wouldn’t have ripped her heart out and smashed it into fucking pieces.

“It’s easier this way.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ashlyn walks out of the house, shutting the door behind her and Ali falls to the ground with tears clouding her eyes. The blonde walks towards the taxi, getting into the back and placing her bag on the seat next to her. She tells the driver to take her to the airport while sliding her phone out of her pocket. She has no idea where she’s going to go, but she has an idea.

The one person she knows won’t judge her, or rant at her for hours before making her talk to Ali. The one person that will be tough on her and won’t let her cry herself to sleep because that won’t fix things. The one person that will help her even though she’ll probably think she isn’t.

So she texts Kelley for Hope’s address and when the taxi pulls up outside the airport she pays the driver, gets out of the car and makes her way inside. Walking up to the ticket desk and buying a ticket for the next plane to Seattle.

She sits in the airport bar and drinks far too many glasses of double scotch after turning her phone off because she’s almost called Ali six times and she knows that she will end up calling her eventually.

When she finally arrives in Seattle she’s stumbling out of the airport and into a taxi that is waiting for her, giving the driver Hope’s address before resting her head against the window as tears roll down her cheeks. The driver glances at her and decides that this isn’t going to be a very talkative journey and for that she is thankful.

The car pulls up outside Hope’s house and Ashlyn pays the driver, thanking him and grabbing her bag while sliding out of the car, slamming the door shut. She stares at Hope’s house, wiping her face as she walks towards the front door. Balling her hand into a fist and then slamming it against the door. The door swings open and Hope is stood in front of her, wearing tight black jeans and a baggy Stanford hoodie that Ashlyn knows used to belong to a certain freckled defender.

“In.”

Hope steps to the side as Ashlyn stumbles into her house, shutting the door behind the blonde keeper and then leaning against it as Ashlyn turns to face her. Hope groans because she’s never been good with feelings, like ever. She steps forwards though, and she wraps her arms around Ashlyn, who then falls against the older keeper and grips on to her.

“Kelley told me you were coming, didn’t tell me why though. Fancy filling me in a little bit here Harris?”

“I-I ended things.” Ashlyn mumbles against Hope’s shoulder, holding on tighter to the older keeper.

“Come on.” Hope says, unwrapping herself from Ashlyn, walking her towards the couch that sits in the middle of the lounge. She pushes Sasha off of it before sitting down and pulling the blonde with her. “Tell me what actually happened.”

So Ashlyn does, she tells her about the conversations she had with Alex. She tells her that Ali thought she was joking, about the engagement ring that was placed in her hands minutes after she broke Ali’s heart. She tells her everything and Hope doesn’t know what to do because she has never seen Ashlyn this broken, this raw, this vulnerable. It’s making her feel uneasy because she always knows what to do, she’s always got control over situations but right now she has no idea what to do.

“Why are you here Ashlyn?”

“I needed somewhere to stay.” Ashlyn replies like it’s the obvious answer, in her eyes it is the obvious answer. She left Ali. She has nowhere to stay. She came to Hope, the one person that wouldn’t judge or take sides.

“But why here? Out of the whole team you decide to come here. I thought you hated me, you don’t take my advice on the pitch. You’re cold towards me and you ignore me whenever you can. If we’re ever left alone in a room together you make up some stupid excuse just to get away from me.” Hope explains, hoping to get an actual answer out of the blonde keeper as to why she turned up at her house when she could have gone to Tobin, or Kelley or even Abby.

“Because you fucking intimidate me, you’re Hope fucking Solo and my first camp you gave me so much bitch face that I was too scared to even go near you at one point, it still scares me now.” Ashlyn explains, glancing up at Hope. “And I’m always going to be in your fucking shadow, I’m always going to be the bench warmer so what is the point in even attempting to become close to you because you’re always going to have what I want.”

“Ash.”

“What?”

“You’ll be number one soon. You’ll be the one scaring the new keepers and you’ll be the one carrying this goddamn team to World Cup finals and through Olympic tournaments.” Hope replies, opening her arms and letting Ashlyn lean against her.

“I don’t care anymore. My life is falling apart.”

“Your life is falling apart because you made it fall apart Ashlyn.” Hope points out and Ashlyn just glances up and glares at the older keeper. “Don’t glare at me, you know I’m right.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m really bad at this.” Hope mutters, turning to stare at the TV and attempting to avoid calling Kelley and telling her to get on the next plane to Seattle because Kelley will be able to deal with a vulnerable Ashlyn better than she can.

“At what?”

“Feelings, I have no idea what to do. No one ever comes to me when they’re upset or broken.”

“Kelley came to you.”

“She was an exception, I was the reason she was broken.” Hope says, running her fingers through her hair while Ashlyn lets out a small laugh.

“Can we just talk, or drink, or something to make me stop thinking about how much hate Ali had in her eyes when I left her. If I keep thinking about that it’s going to break me and I don’t think I can take anymore.” Ashlyn rambles and Hope just nods at her, standing up. Holding her hand out of Ashlyn, pulling her up before walking into the kitchen and pulling out a bottle of red wine along with a bottle of expensive tequila.

“We can do both, we can drink and we can talk.”

“C-can you call Ali and tell her that I’m here, that I’m safe. I know she’s probably worrying and that makes me feel fucking worse.”

“Sure, pour yourself a glass.” Hope replies, pushing a wine glass in Ashlyn’s direction before walking into the lounge and grabbing her phone off the coffee table, quickly unlocking it and locating Ali’s number. She calls the right back and informs her that Ashlyn is safe, that she’s with her and she will be until she needs to leave. That even though Ashlyn is with her, in her house, she’ll always be there for Ali to talk to because Ali has always been there for Hope.

“What did she say?” Is the first thing that comes out of Ashlyn’s mouth when Hope walks back into the kitchen with her phone in her hand.

“That she’s glad your safe and that I have to make sure you don’t do anything stupid, and even though you’re the asshole that left her she still apologised.”

“What for?”

“For not being enough, for not being what you wanted and for holding you back.”

“Fuck.” Ashlyn groans, slamming her fists against the granite kitchen worktop. “I’m the one that’s not enough.” She screams, turning around and slamming her fist into the wall. “I’m the one that was holding her back.”

Hope quickly makes her way towards Ashlyn and grabs her fist before the blonde creates more bruising to her already blue knuckles.

“One you’re a fucking keeper, your hands are your job so stop it. Two you’re a fucking asshole and three you need to talk to her Ash.”

“Hold me.”

“What?”

“Hope it’s a fucking simple request, just fucking hold me.” Ashlyn demands, so Hope wraps her arms around the blonde and holds her close to her body, running her fingers through the wavy blonde hair.

The pair drink more than one bottle of wine, they talk about anything that keeps Ashlyn’s mind of Ali. They talk about how the first time Kelley spent the night with Hope she almost broke the TV because she was playing with Sasha. They talk about tattoo’s and surfing and for once Hope sees a real smile on Ashlyn’s face. When the second bottle of wine is empty and Ashlyn can no longer speak without slurring her words they stop drinking. Hope knows that Ashlyn was drunk when she arrived at her house, and she knows that Ashlyn has been drinking shots of tequila when she doesn’t think that she is looking.

Hope leaves the kitchen and heads upstairs in order to sort out her spare room for Ashlyn. When she gets back into the kitchen the blonde is sat on the floor with her phone pressed against the side of her face. So hope just leans against the door frame and listens to what Ashlyn is saying.

“I’m sorry Alex, I-I…fuck I miss you already. You’ll be fine though, you don’t need me to be happy. I just wanted to be enough for you but I can’t be. I don’t get to play with the national team and I’ll never be good enough to have more than twenty caps.” Ashlyn mumbles into her phone as another wave of tears roll down her face. Hope won’t lie, the fact that Ashlyn thinks she isn’t good enough for the team breaks her heart. “I-I just want you to have the best in life and that’s not me. I know it’s not so I left and now you can be happy. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry I hurt you Alex. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I still love you Alex.”

Hope figures that now is her time to intervene. So she walks into the kitchen and Ashlyn glances up at her as she crouches in front of the blonde, taking her phone off her and ending the call which she’s sure is a voicemail anyway.

“Come on, you need to sleep this off.”

“Okay Hopey.” Ashlyn slurs while getting pulled to her feet, she wobbles slightly and ends up with Hope’s arm wrapped around her waist as they make their way up the stairs, taking them one at a time. When hope finally gets Ashlyn into the spare room the blonde stands in front of the bed before falling forwards and landing in the middle of the double bed.

“Ash come on, get into bed.”

When Hope gets no reply she leans over the blonde and realises that she’s passed out, rolling her eyes she groans and rolls Ashlyn over, unbuttoning her jeans and pulling them down the younger keeper’s legs, leaving her in a pair of boxers. She then attempts to pulls the blonde’s hoodie over her head but is have issues. She stands back and assesses the situation before coming to the conclusion that she’s going to have to straddle Ashlyn Harris.

So she does, she straddles the younger keeper and pulls her hoodie over her head. Hope lets out a laugh because if Kelley could see her straddling Ashlyn she’d make a stupid comment instead of helping and end up laughing at the stupid comment she made.

The brunette keeper gets off of Ashlyn and turns her so she’s lay on the bed properly, she then pulls the covers over her and folds her clothes, leaving them on the floor at the end of the bed before walking out of the room, turning the light off and shutting the door behind her on the way.

Hope walks into her room and unlocks her phone for the first time since she called Ali to tell her that Ashlyn was with her. Her screen lights up with three missed calls off Kelley, one off Ali and then a handful of texts off Ali worrying because she knows that Ashlyn is drunk.

When Ashlyn wakes up in the morning she’s positive she can feel her brain pulsing against the inside of her skull. She makes a promise to herself right there that she will never drink alcohol ever again. She groans and rolls over, slowly opening her eyes and allowing them to adjust to the light that is seeping in through the slits in the blinds.

After twenty minutes of lying in bed and feeling sorry for herself she gets out of bed and stretches, spotting her jeans on the floor she bends down to pick them up. She she’s stood up with her jeans in her hands she spots something on the dresser with a note on top of it so she walks towards it, leaving her jeans in the end of the bed. She picks up the note and unfolds it while picking up the item which turns out to be a pair of black sweat pants. Ashlyn read over the note while pulling the pants on.

_Taken the dogs for a walk and to get coffee, put these on they’ll be comfier than your jeans._

_Kelley is coming today._

_Make yourself some food, painkillers are in the second draw next to the oven._

Kelley’s coming. Kelley’s coming and Ashlyn knows that it’s only because Hope can’t deal with her, because she can’t handle the fact that Ashlyn is in her house and is vulnerable and upset and fucked up. Kelley is coming to babysit Ashlyn so Hope doesn’t have to worry about her and that makes Ashlyn feel like a piece of shit.

So she kicks the sweats off and pulls her jeans on, she grabs her hoodie off the floor and tugs it over her head before walking out of the room and down the stairs. She slides her shoes on and grabs her phone off the kitchen worktop, unlocking it and ignoring the missed calls off Kyle and the large amount of texts off both him and Ali. She shoves her phone into her pocket before grabbing her bag from its spot near the front door where she left it last night. She quickly makes her way back into the kitchen and writes a quick note for hope, leaving it attached to the fridge with a magnet.

She walks towards the front door and pulls it open, she doesn’t look up and walks straight into Kelley as she steps out of the house. Kelley stumbles back slightly and Ashlyn quickly looks up and grabs the smaller girl’s hand.

“Where are you going?” Kelley asks, a confused expression on her face because she’s pretty sure that Hope told her Ashlyn would be staying with her for a while.

“I don’t know but I’m leaving.”

“No you’re not.”

“I don’t need you to babysit me Kel, Hope obviously doesn’t want me here, and she can’t deal with me being here so I’m leaving.” Ashlyn replies, brushing her hair out of her face and attempting to get past the smaller girl only to get glared at.

“No you’re fucking not.” Kelley says through gritted teeth, placing both of her hands in the middle of Ashlyn’s chest and then pushing her back into the house, slamming the door behind her and leaning against it so Ashlyn can’t get out.

“Kelley let me leave.” The blonde begs, she just wants to be alone, she doesn’t want to be a burden and the fact that Hope had to have Kelley fly across the country means that Ashlyn is a burden on the older goalkeeper.

“No, my girlfriend called me last night in tears because of you.” Kelley states, crossing her arms in front of her chest while staring at Ashlyn who is tightly gripping on to the handle of her bag.

“Then let me leave and she’ll be fine.”

“No she won’t.” Kelley says, glaring at Ashlyn as she blonde attempts to get closer to the front door. “She was crying because she heard you say that you’re don’t deserve to be playing for the team, that the team would be better off without you and she blamed herself.” Kelley continues, watching the way Ashlyn’s face drops and worry etches across her face.

“She what?”

“She blamed herself because she gets to play and you don’t. She blamed herself because she thinks that it’s her fault you don’t see how good you are.” Kelley says in a stern tone and Ashlyn’s eyes drop so that she’s staring at the ground. “Sit down.” The shorter girl demands, pointing towards the sofa. Ashlyn drops her bag and walks towards the sofa sitting down and then glancing at Kelley who is now stood in front of her.

“It’s not her fault.”

“I know that, she still blames herself. Hope didn’t make me come here I came here myself. I’m here because you’re the asshole that chose to stay with the one person that can’t deal with her own feelings let alone anyone else’s.” Kelley informs Ashlyn. “She thinks you hate her so she’s closed up, I’m not here to babysit you, and I’m here to fucking help you. To make you see that you’re worth it and that you’re a fucking idiot for leaving Ali.”

“Can you just let me leave, please? Let me leave and you and Hope will never have to see me again. Everything will be fine again if you let me leave Kelley.”

“Um, unless you haven’t noticed we play for the same team Ashlyn.”

“I’m leaving the team.” Ashlyn mumbles and the words feel weird leaving her mouth because even though she’s thought about leaving the team she’s never actually said it out loud before.

“No you’re not.”

“I am, I’ll never be number one. You’ll all be fine without me, so I’m leaving and you’ll never have to see me again and Ali will never have to play on the same team as me again. I’ll play in Orlando, you’ll see me for the handful of matches we have against each other and then it’ll be like I don’t exist.” Ashlyn says standing up and stepping forwards to grab her back.

“Ashlyn Harris sit the fuck down and listen to me!” Kelley yells, startling Ashlyn who just stares at the smaller girl in shock while sitting down on the sofa again. Kelley runs her fingers through her hair and lets out a sigh before making eye contact with Ashlyn.

“You’re not leaving the team, you are good enough and you will number one soon. We won’t be fine without you at all.”

“You will be.” Ashlyn mumbles.

“We won’t. Who is going to stop Tobin from being an idiot when she’s drunk? Who’s going to be there for the rookies when they mess up? Who’s going to be there for me when Hope leaves? You. You’re going to fucking be there Ashlyn.”

“Hope won’t leave.”

“I swear to god I’m going to fucking hurt you!” Kelley screams at Ashlyn because at this point she’s really starting to annoy her. “Hope told me last night she was going to retire so you could be number one, she was going to leave for you!” Kelley continues, still screaming at Ashlyn who is just staring at the freckled girl.

“S-she wouldn’t. The team need her too much they wouldn’t let her.”

“Fucking hell we need you too. If I have to I will call the whole damn team and get them here to prove how much we fucking need you Ashlyn Harris!”

“Whoa what’s with all the screaming?” Hope asks, walking into the house and letting the dogs off their leashes before shutting the door and walking towards Kelley.

“This asshole won’t listen to me, tell her that the team needs her and she denies it. Tell her that you were going to leave for her and she won’t believe it. I was about to tell her what Ali told me last week but you came home.” Kelley replies and the mention of Ali’s name means that Ashlyn is now paying attention to the conversation.

“W-what did Ali tell you?”

“She told me that you were it for her. That you were the one, and even though you’ve been distant for the past few weeks she knows that you’ll always love her. I guess she was wrong.” Kelley answers, glaring at Ashlyn. The sweet approach wasn’t working so Kelley decided to mix it up and become a bitch, maybe it’ll sink in now that Ashlyn is needed and is wanted and is loved.

“Fuck.”

“Yea.”

“I do love her.”

“Then fucking fix this.” Hope says, sitting next to Ashlyn.

“I will, I am. I’m going back to D.C.”

“Tomorrow, you’re going tomorrow. You’re staying here tonight so I know you’re not going to do anything stupid, plus I miss you and I need my goalkeeper snuggles.” Kelley says sitting on Ashlyn’s lap and cuddling against her. “I’m sorry for yelling.”


	3. Chapter 3

Ashlyn goes back to DC, she spends the whole flight fidgeting and panicking about what she’s going to say to Ali when she sees her again. She overthinks and she starts to annoy the people sat around her on the place. But she doesn’t care, all she can think about is how to talk to Ali.

Does she apologise for being an idiot? Yes. Does she tell her that she didn’t mean it and that she loves her? She probably should. Will Ali listen to anything she has to say? Probably not.

When she gets off the plane and out of the airport she gets into a taxi. Going straight to Ali, but then panicking once she’s out of the taxi and stood in front of the house. Ali’s car isn’t in the drive so she knows that the house is empty. She still has her key. She could go inside but it wouldn’t feel right, this isn’t her house anymore, it’s Ali’s.

So she leaves, she pulls her car keys out of her bag and takes her car, she drives towards the nearest hotel and books herself in for a week.

She’s in DC. She’s in the same city as Ali and that’s good enough for her right now.

Ashlyn is sure she’d get a phone call off Ali panicking because her car is no longer in the driveway, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t even get a text. Maybe Ali doesn’t care anymore. Maybe Ali couldn’t give a single shit if Ashlyn’s car had been stolen and that breaks Ashlyn’s heart, because Ali doesn’t care about her anymore.

When the week is almost over Ashlyn books herself into the hotel for another seven days. Still not able to talk to Ali. She doesn’t want to see the pain and hatred that will definitely be evident in the brunette’s eyes the moment the pair make eye contact. She calls Kelley every night because she needs someone to talk to, because staying in a hotel on her own is starting to make her crazy. She also calls Alex and sometimes even Hope.

When her second week of staying in the hotel is almost over Ali calls her. A picture of the couple in bed the morning after they won the world cup flashes up on Ashlyn’s phone and she doesn’t know if she should answer the phone or not. She does though because she’s missed Ali’s voice.

“Please don’t hate me but I think your car has been stolen, it was here when I left and now it’s not and I’m really sorry.” Ali says seconds after Ashlyn answered the call. Her voice trembling and Ashlyn knows that she’s been crying.

“Al-”

“Just please don’t hate me Ashlyn.”

“I could never hate you, and it’s not been stolen Alex, I have it.”

“What do you mean you have it?” Ali practically screams down the phone, Ashlyn pulls her phone away from her ear and cringes at the raised voice. “Ashlyn what do you mean you have it? When did you get it?”

“I’m kind of back in DC.”

“Since when?”

“About two weeks ago, I came to see you and your car wasn’t there and the taxi had already left. I had my keys and I took my car.”

“You’re in DC and you didn’t think of telling me that you had your car?!”

“I thought it would be obvious when you got back that day and it wasn’t there but you didn’t call of text so I figured you didn’t care.”

“I’ve only just gotten back to DC, I’ve been with Kyle for two weeks. The first thing I did when I pulled up to the house and your car wasn’t there was call you, hell I’m still in my fucking car. So yes Ashlyn I do fucking care!”

“Oh.” Ashlyn replies, not knowing what else to say.

“Yea oh. So where are you staying because you obviously haven’t been staying in your own house.”

“T-that’s not my house anymore.” Ashlyn mumbles, rubbing the back of her neck while letting out a quiet sigh.

“It is. Where are you staying?”

“In a hotel.”

“Text me the address we need to talk Ashlyn. Hope called me the day after you left.”

When those words leave Ali’s mouth Ashlyn can feel her mouth dry instantly. Hope talking to Ali. What did Hope say to Ali? Does Ali know that Ashlyn was going to leave the team?

“Okay.” Ashlyn gets out before Ali ends the call. The blonde pulls her phone away from her ear and stares down at it. She’s going to see Ali again. She quickly texts Ali the address of the hotel she’s staying in and then begins neatening the room. Picking her clothes up and folding them, placing them in the draws. She freshens up, actually changing her t-shirt and putting on a minimal amount of make-up.

Twenty minutes after she sent the address to Ali her phone rings again, the same picture appearing on her screen again. She lets out a sigh and answers the call.

“What room are you in?”

“391.”

“Okay.”

The call ends and Ashlyn begins pacing the room. She shouldn’t be this nervous but she is, she’s seeing the women whose heart she smashed into pieced the last time she saw her so she’s pretty sure that she’s allowed to be nervous to see Ali again. There’s a knock at the door and Ashlyn slowly walks towards it, unlocking the door and then pulling it open, avoiding looking at Ali as she walks into the room. The blonde shuts the door and then leans against it while Ali walks towards the bed and sits on the edge of it.

“You’re a fucking coward you know that right?”

“What?”

“You’ve been here for two weeks and didn’t even bother to call or text me to tell me.” Ali yells, standing up and pacing in front of Ashlyn who has now moved away from the door. “God you fucking annoy me. You’re annoying and a coward and you fucking flew across the country to get away from me. Oh and well done for choosing Hope to stay with. The one person that was no fucking help to you because she can’t do feelings and you went to her!” Ali continues, her voice getting louder and her pacing getting faster while she begins using her hands to get the point across more.

“Alex.”

“No, you can shut up I’m not finished yet. You think you can just break up with me and not have to see me again. You think that you can decide to try and leave the national team so you don’t have to see me or anyone else again. You are a fucking coward Ashlyn!” Ali yells, her voice cracking slightly as she turns to face Ashlyn.

Ashlyn just stands up and grabs Ali to stop her pacing because if you ask her it’s starting to make her slightly dizzy. She places her hands on Ali’s hips and leans forwards, connecting their lips and smiling slightly when Ali let’s out a small gasp. She pulls away and Ali has her eyes closer so the blonde brushes the hair out of Ali’s face and smiles at how beautiful Ali looks.

“I’m sorry, I love you and I know that you’ll never take me back but I love you Alex.”

“You’re such a fucking dick Ashlyn sorry isn’t going to make me forget what you did.” Ali yells, moving away from Ashlyn and all the blonde can do is smile which aggravates Ali even more. “And why the fuck are you smiling?!”

“Because I missed your voice, I missed the way that you mumble certain words and the way you sometimes slip into German when you get too excited and then blush and apologise when someone points it out. I’ve missed the way you do this cute little thing with your tongue when you’re thinking about what to say. I’ve missed your voice more than you can ever tell Alex.” Ashlyn explains, and Ali just stares at her.

“I hate you.

“I know.”

“I hate that you can make me fall in love with you all over again but just saying a few goddamn words.”

Ashlyn just pulls Ali close to her, wrapping her arms around the brunette and pressing her lips against the side of her head while rubbing her back slightly. The pair stand like that for more than five minutes before Ashlyn walks them back towards the bed and Ali sits down.

“I miss you.” She whispers as Ashlyn sits on the bed next to her.

“I miss you too Alex.”

“Can you just tell me why you did it?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Ashlyn please, just tell me what I did to make you leave me.” Ali begs, looking at the blonde with her eyes glazed over and her bottom lip quivering slightly. “Was it because I didn’t want to tell the media because I’m sorry.”

“You did nothing, you were fucking perfect and it took me weeks to work up the courage to do what I did and I regret it so much.”

“So then why?”

“I’m not good enough for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m never on the starting eleven, I’m always going to be on the bench. I am never going to be good enough to make you happy or keep you safe. I am never going to be what you need Alex. I’m moving to Florida and you’re staying here. You’ll realise that you can do better than me without me here and you’ll leave me. So I made it easier for you.”

“You’re so fucking stupid Ashlyn. You are enough for me. You always have been and you always will be. You make me happy, you make me feel safe and I don’t care if you’re always on the bench or not. I am not going to realise that I can do better than you because I can’t. You are the best and I have you. I had you.” Ali rambles, standing up and standing in front of the blonde, placing her hands on her shoulders while looking down at her.

“I’m so sorry Alex. I know I’m stupid, Kelley kind of made me realise that. I love you so much and you hate me and you can’t trust me anymore. I broke us Alex and I hate myself even more for doing that.” Ashlyn gets out in between sobs, Ali steps closer and wraps her arms around the blonde’s neck before getting pulled closer. Ashlyn snakes her arms around Ali’s waist and rests her head against the brunette’s stomach.

“I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. I love you too much to hate you Ash.”

“I hate myself Alex, I hate myself because I broke you, and I hate myself because I left you. I broke your trust and I’ll work for years to get it back, if you’ll let me.” Ashlyn says, smiling at Ali while looking down slightly and all Ali can think about is how cute the blonde looks and that damn dimple that always makes her melt.

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?” Ashlyn asks because she’s genuinely confused about what Ali wants her to stop doing.

“Being cute, stop it because you can make me do anything when you smile like that.”

“I’m sorry.” Ashlyn mumbles, the smile no longer on her face as she glances down again. A tear rolls down her cheek and her heart breaks again because she’s realised that maybe Ali won’t let her work for that trust again, that maybe she’ll be apologising for the rest of her life.

“Ash its fine.” Ali says in a reassuring tone, making Ashlyn look at her while brushing the few tears off of the blonde’s face.

“I’m sorry Alex.”

“Stop apologising.” Ali whispers, kneeling in front of Ashlyn and taking her hands. “I mean it Ashlyn, stop it. I know you’re sorry and I know that you feel like you’re going to have to say it every day for the rest of your life but trust me you don’t.”

“I still feel like shit Alex. I broke you.”

“Please stop saying that.”

“Can you just hate me please?”

“You want me to hate you? Fine I’ll fucking hate you. I hate you because I thought we were fine and then you fucked everything up and broke up with me. You broke my heart into a million pieces. I went out and bought a fucking ring that I never got to use. You want me to hate you and I fucking tried to hate you when you left but I couldn’t. I couldn’t hate you because I love you Ashlyn Harris and I always will.” Ali rants, standing up and glaring at Ashlyn because why does she needs to hear this? Why does she needs Ali to tell her that she hates her when it’s so far from the truth?

“Can we move on from this? I don’t want to lose you again Alex.”

“You won’t lose me Ashlyn, but you’re going to have to work pretty damn hard to get us back to how we were before.”

“I know.”

“Stand up.”

“What? Why?” Ashlyn asks, standing up anyway and then smiling to herself as Ali wraps her arms around her waist and rests her head against the blonde’s chest.

“I just wanted to hold you, come home Ashlyn.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Want me to stay in the guest room?”

“If you want to, but your side of the bed is always going to be there.” Ali replies, leaning up and lightly pressing her lips against Ashlyn’s. “I’m going home, text me when you’re on the way.”

“Okay.”

“Bye Ash.”

“Bye Ali, I’m going to work so damn hard to fix what I broke Ali, I swear I am.”

“I know you are Ashlyn.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um...this one gets a little bit heated ;)

And she does work for it. She works incredibly hard to get her relationship with Ali to the way it was before she broke everything. She takes Ali on another first date, she stays in the guest room until Ali can’t take it anymore and barges into the guest room, pulling Ashlyn out of bed and down the hallway into _their_ room.

Ashlyn does everything right this time, she doesn’t argue with Ali. She doesn’t leave her laundry on the floor or her cleats in front of the front door. She doesn’t leave her training gear next to the washing machine instead of inside it. She does everything she can think of to not make Ali annoyed with her incase the brunette realises that maybe she was better without Ashlyn, that the house was cleaner without her there, that she didn’t have to spend as much on food when it was just her.

The blonde begins to panic when Ali stays late at practice, thinking that she’s realised that she’ll never be able to trust her again and has left her. She panics when Ali comes home early and she hasn’t had chance to clean the house, and she panics when Ali wakes up in a mood and blanks her all morning.

Now she’s sat in the kitchen watching as Ali slams cupboard doors shut and mutters things under her breath while walking around the ground floor of their house.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Ali there is obviously something wrong so can you just tell me please.” Ashlyn begs because if she’s done something to annoy Ali then once she knows what she’s done she can fix it and make sure that she doesn’t do it again. “H-have I done something?”

“Not everything is about you Ashlyn.” Ali replies, turning and glaring at the blonde, who just holds her hands up in defeat before walking out of the kitchen and walking upstairs. Normally she’d go into the room she shares with Ali but today that doesn’t feel right. So she walks into the guest room and sits on the edge of the bed, pulling her phone out of her pocket and calling her best friend.

“Hello my bestest friend.” Whitney says down the phone and Ashlyn can’t help but smile at the sound of her best friend’s voice.

“Hi.”

“Okay what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Ashlyn mumbles, picking at the threads on the comforter she’s sat on. She knows that Whitney is going to know that she’s lying.

“I know you’re using me as a distraction so tell me what’s wrong.” Whitney replies and Ashlyn groans at how well her best friend knows her, sometimes it’s a blessing and then sometimes it’s not, today is one of the times that it is not a blessing. She just wants to talk and not have to tell people her problems, she wants a distraction from the fact that she’s probably pissed Ali off and doesn’t know why.

“It’s never going to be the same is it?”

“You and Ali? No.”

“You’re so helpful Whit it’s unreal. Just tell me how to fix it, please I can’t take this anymore. She hates me, she tries to pretend that she doesn’t but she does I can tell.” Ashlyn rambles as the door opens slightly and Ali walks into the room. “I’ve got to go.” Ashlyn says into the phone and ends the call before Whitney can say anything.

“Who was that?”

“Whit.”

“Ash what’s going on?”

“Nothing, why?”

“There is something going on, you’re not acting like you anymore, you’re not being the Ashlyn I love. You’re not being messy and leaving clothes everywhere, you’re not being annoying when I come home late and then kissing me because you missed me. Why Ashlyn?”

“B-because I don’t want to give you another reason to hate me.” Ashlyn mumbles, running her fingers through her hair and refusing to look at Ali. “I’m trying to be what you want.”

“You were what I wanted when you were messy and annoying and acting silly. Now I don’t know who you are. Those were the reasons I loved you Ashlyn.”

“Loved? A-as in past tense?”

“Ash.”

“Ali. As in past tense?” Ashlyn asks again because if Ali doesn’t love her anymore then what’s the point in even trying to fix this relationship.

“I don’t know anymore, but this person in front of me is not the Ashlyn I know.”

“I’m trying to be better for you.”

“I don’t need you to be better I need you to be the way you were before, when we were happy and in love. I need you to stop worrying that I’m going to hate you because at some point I will hate you for leaving clothes everywhere or not putting the dishes away but I was doing that before you fucked everything up anyway!” Ali screams at her because she can’t take the awkwardness anymore, Ashlyn needs to realise that she’s not going to fix things by acting differently, she can fix things by being the person that Ali fell in love with in the first place.

“You finally said it.”

“Said what?”

“That I fucked up, that this whole mess is my fault!” Ashlyn yells, standing up and stepping closer to Ali who slowly backs away.

“Yes it is your fault, it’s your fault that I can’t fucking trust you anymore. It’s your fault I’m scared you’re going to leave me at any minute. Ashlyn I can’t even handle you being away from me anymore, I need to constantly know that you’re not going to leave me.”

“You don’t trust me?”

“No.” Ali answers truthfully, staring into Ashlyn’s eyes which are now glazed over and her hands are shaking slightly. She stumbles backwards and stares at Ali.

“Why are we still trying to fix this then?”

“Because I love you and I can’t be without you.”

“But you don’t trust me anymore.” Ashlyn whispers, staring at the ground because she knows that Ali is crying and if she looks at her it will hurt even more than hearing the she doesn’t trust her anymore. “And I move to Florida in less than three months and you don’t trust me. How will you be able to trust me if I’m miles away from you if you can’t trust me when we live if the same fucking house?!” Ashlyn continues causing Ali to stare at her with a shocked expression on her face.

“I’m trying, I promise you that I’m trying to trust you again Ash.”

“Maybe we should stop trying then Alex.” Ashlyn suggests, knowing that if Ali didn’t hate her before she definitely will now.

“No, you’re not doing this again. You’re not fucking leave me again.” Ali says, walking towards Ashlyn and then grabbing her hand and pulling her close. Ashlyn wraps her arms around Ali and holds her close to her body.

“I don’t want to leave you Ali but this isn’t working.”

“We can make it work, can’t we?” Ali mumbles against Ashlyn’s chest and grips on to the blonde’s t-shirt.

“We’ll never be the same again.”

“Ash can we please try, until you have to leave can we try?”

“Yes.”

Ali glances up at the blonde and connects their lips, wrapping her arms around the taller girl’s neck while she slowly drags her tongue over the blonde’s bottom lip. Ashlyn slowly opens her mouth and Ali’s tongue snakes into her mouth, the blonde moans at the feeling considering she hasn’t been kissed like this by Ali since before she left.

“Ash.”

“What.”

“Love me.” Ali begs, biting down on Ashlyn’s bottom lip causing the blonde to let out a throaty moan. “Please just one more time if this isn’t going to work I want you to love me one more time.”

“Are you sure”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Ashlyn replies, kissing Ali again with as much passion as she used to kiss her before she messed everything up. She puts every ounce of feeling into this kiss and Ali smiles against her lips before turning them around so her back is facing the bed.

Ali grabs the collar of Ashlyn’s t-shirt and pulls her towards the bed, falling backwards causing the blonde to land on top of her with her legs either side of the defender’s waist and her hands placed either side of her face. Ali glances up at Ashlyn and smiles as blonde hair falls down around her face; the blonde smirks slightly while lowering herself. Ali wraps her arms around the keeper’s neck, pulling her closer to Ali before connecting their lips.

Ali hands slide down Ashlyn’s back as her tongue glides over her bottom lip. The brunette slowly opens her mouth, allowing Ashlyn’s tongue to dart in before grazing against hers. Ashlyn slide my hands up the back of Ashlyn’s t-shirt and then softly dragging her nails down her back causing her to moan into Ali’s mouth. Ali pulls the blonde’s t-shirt over her head before throwing it behind them as Ashlyn feels the blonde smirk against her lips. Ashlyn doesn’t know exactly when it happens but soon both her and Ali are both just in their underwear and their clothes are thrown around the room.

“I love you Alex.” Ashlyn mumbles against the defender’s lips, Ali sits up slightly, placing her arms around Ashlyn’s now shirtless body to keep her close. The feeling of Ashlyn’s soft skin against Ali’s as their lips move together is something that they both never want to forget.

Ashlyn pushes Ali down against the bed before attaching her lips to the brunette’s neck and then lightly sucking on it while Ali’s hands roam her back, before her hands move to Ashlyn’s stomach and they slide to the waistband of her boxers causing Ashlyn’s breath to catch in her throat. Ali glances up at the girl above her and smiles when she finally sees the love in Ashlyn’s eyes that she hasn’t seen in weeks.

“Are you just going to stare at me Alex?” Ashlyn asks, kinking her eyebrow at Ali, who glares up at her before grazing her fingers across her toned stomach and then sliding them under the waistband of Ashlyn’s underwear. Ashlyn smirks down at Ali, pulling her hand out of her boxers as she lowers herself in between the brunette’s athletic legs while pulling her underwear down her legs.

The blonde kisses from Ali’s right hip to her left hip while looking up at her; Ali looking down at Ashlyn, smiling because she’s missed the way that the blonde loved her. Ashlyn pulls Ali’s legs apart before sliding her hands up the toned thighs and then grazing her slit with her thumb. Ali quietly whimpers while letting her head rest against the pillows beneath her head. The blonde begins to circle her clit with her thumb.

Ali lets out a quiet moan when Ashlyn’s lips make contact with her clit, sucking it into her mouth while her tongue flicks over it. Ali places her legs over Ashlyn’s shoulders as the keeper’s tongue swirls over her clit as she continues to softly suck on it. The blonde licks down to her entrance before dipping her tongue into moaning brunette beneath her, hearing her let out a throaty moan as the keeper’s long fingers work her clit and she moves her tongue in and out of her dripping entrance. Ali’s moans are a sound that Ashlyn never wants to forget.

Ali tangles her fingers in Ashlyn’s hair, tugging on it while she grinds her hips against Ashlyn’s tongue. The blonde remove my tongue from inside her before slide two fingers deep inside her, causing Ali to moan out Ashlyn’s name and tighten her grip on the blonde hair that is already tangled between her fingers. Ashlyn brings her mouth to Ali’s clit and begins to flick her tongue over it, Ali’s moans becoming louder as Ashlyn moves her fingers in and out of her. The defender’s hips begin to buck in time with Ashlyn’s fingers.

Ashlyn adds another finger into her and Ali releases her grip the blonde’s hair, Ashlyn glances up at her. Smirking at the sight of Ali’s hands gripping on to the headboard, her eyes shut and her mouth open slightly, Ashlyn’s name being whispered in between the stings of moans that are falling from the brunette’s mouth.

The room is filled with the sound of Ali’s moans, of Ashlyn’s fingers moving in and out of her and her mouth on Ali’s clit. Ashlyn curls her fingers and Ali digs her heels into the keeper’s back while arching her own. Her legs tightening around Ashlyn pulling her closer.  Ashlyn grazes her teeth over her clit as her fingers move in and out of Ali, faster and harder. Her tongue flicking over her clit as she look up at her again.

Ali’s body begins to shake as she closes around Ashlyn’s fingers, the same fingers that curl up again working in time with the mouth that is now sucking on her clit as the blonde hears her name being screamed from the defender’s mouth. One of Ali’s hands comes back down to Ashlyn’s head and she pulls on her hair, causing Ashlyn to moan against her. Ali tightens her legs around Ashlyn’s head while she come apart around the blonde’s fingers. Ashlyn continues to suck on her clit and slowly move her fingers in and out of her. Ali is still letting out small moans before unwrapping hers legs from around Ashlyn and letting out a sigh. Ashlyn pulls her fingers out of Ali and then licks them clean before crawling up the bed and lying next to Ali.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Alex.”

“Can we be fixed?”

“I hope so Al, I love you and I want to be with you forever. We’ve worked through a lot of shit and I’m sure we can work through this.” Ashlyn replies, running her fingers through Ali’s hair while she rests her head on the blonde’s chest and traces patters on her abs.

“I hope so too.” 


	5. Chapter 5

They can’t be fixed.

Ashlyn goes to Orlando; and they try. Ali tries harder for this relationship than any other relationship she has ever been in. Ashlyn tries and fights for this relationship to work but she knows that she messed it up too much and that things between the two of them are never going to be the same. They’re never going to have the relationship that had months before and Ashlyn blames herself.

They really do try though, Ali goes to Orlando every other weekend, when there’s not a match on, she stays with Ashlyn and they attempt to make it seem like their relationship is perfect again.

Ashlyn goes to DC when the Pride have a bye week and she spends the whole week with Ali, but Ali is training so it’s just Ashlyn staying in a house that used to be hers, overthinking things.

The final straw is when Ali comes home to Ashlyn sat on her sofa with a beer in her hand and the TV on, normally this wouldn’t have caused an issue but the fact that Ali comes home with another girl following her into the house causes issues.

“Um Al, who’s this?” The girl ask, staring at Ashlyn who is still sat on the sofa watching the women she loves interact with another woman.

“She’s my girlfriend.”

“You have a girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Debatable right now.” Ashlyn mumbles under her breath, drinking a mouthful of beer while Ali whispers to the other woman, who glares at Ashlyn and then leaves. Ali shuts the front door and leans against it.

“What are you doing here?”

“I thought you’d like the surprise, didn’t know you’d bring another woman home Alex.”

“Don’t be like that Ash, she’s on the team and we went out for lunch after training.” Ali explains, walking towards the sofa and then sitting next to the blonde.

“She didn’t even know I was your girlfriend Ali.”

“She’s new to the team.”

“So, she would’ve figured it out if you talked about me. You do talk about me don’t you?” Ashlyn asks, placing the half empty bottle of beer on the coffee table in front of her and then turns so she’s facing the older woman.

“Not a lot.”

“Do you even love me anymore or are you just with me because you feel like you have to be. Because you told me not to leave you and I’m not. But nothing is stopping you from leaving me Alex.” Ashlyn replies, standing up and walking towards the kitchen because just the sight of Ali is making her feel a little bit sick. The fact that she no longer sees the love in the brunette’s eyes when they look at each other has her heart in the throat. The fact that Ali’s life seems to be moving on perfectly without her in it and she’s mopping around in Orlando, refusing to have fun because she’s not with Ali.

“Of course I love you.” Ali pipes up, following the taller girl into the kitchen and staring at her. Noticing the darkness around her eyes, the tiredness of her eyes and it makes her feel guilty for living her life as she normally would when obviously Ashlyn is suffering. The fact that Ashlyn doesn’t look like _her_ Ashlyn anymore breaks Ali’s heart. She steps closer and cups the blondes face. “Ashlyn I love you.”

Ashlyn just stares into Ali’s eyes, while tears threaten to spill from her own. Ali grazes her thumbs over Ashlyn’s cheeks and rests their foreheads together, the brunette’s fingertips softy moving against the blonde’s neck as they stand there in silence staring into each other’s eyes.

“I love you too Alex.”

Ali rests her head against Ashlyn’s shoulder while strong arms wrap around her body and hold her close. Ali breathes in and smiles when she smells the distinct scent of her girlfriend. Ashlyn lets out a yawn and then innocently smiles when Ali gives her a concerned look.

“When was the last time you actually slept Ash?”

“A few nights ago.”

“Why?”

“I can’t sleep without you, and last night I was panicking about coming here without telling you in case you didn’t want me here.” Ashlyn mumbles, avoiding eye contact with the brunette who is now looking up at her and glaring. Ali pulls away from Ashlyn and the blonde begins to panic thinking she’s said the wrong thing. Ali notices and softly smiles at the keeper, taking her hand in her own before pulling her out of the kitchen and up the stairs towards _their_ room.

“Get in the bed Ashlyn.”

“Why?”

“We’re having a nap, get in the damn bed. I don’t know how long I’ve got you for this time and I will not spend most of that time feeling guilty that you can’t sleep.” Ali says in a demanding tone, Ashlyn just sighs and kicks her jeans off before climbing into the bed and pulling the sheets over her. Ali slides in after her and wraps her arms around the keeper, lightly kissing her and then running her fingers through blonde hair.

“I love you.” Ashlyn mumbles, letting out another yawn as she places her tattooed arm around Ali’s waist, pulling her closer.

Ashlyn sleeps, in fact they’re the best few hours of sleep she’s has in past few days.

Ali doesn’t sleep.

She stares up at the ceiling while continuing to run her fingers through Ashlyn’s hair and think about how much things have changed for them. How they’ve become distant and it bothers her because Ashlyn is the love of her life. Ashlyn is the one she pictures herself with when they’re old, the one she pictures herself having a family with.

Ashlyn starts to slowly wake up, she glances up and Ali and lazily smiles when she sees brown eyes looking back at her.

“I love waking up to you.” Ashlyn mumbles, leaning up and pressing her lips against the brunette’s before pulling away and  rubbing her eyes, which causes Ali to melt because Ash is basically a child when she first wakes up. These are the moments that make Ali realise that everything is worth it. The tears and the yelling and the distance; it’s all fucking worth it if Ashlyn Harris is the prize.

“I’m not giving up and you and I am not going to let you give up on me.” Ali rambles, lightly pressing her lips against the keeper’s as she looks at her with a confused expression on her face. “You are my world Ash, you mean everything to me and you always will.” Ali explains, threading her fingers through blonde hair before pressing their lips together again.

“You don’t need me Alex.”

“I do, you’re not giving up Ashlyn I am not going to let you give up. We are going to work and we are going to fix this because when I picture my future it has you in it.” Ali mumbles, staring into Ashlyn’s eyes so she’s knows that she’s serious, that she means it and that she loves Ashlyn the way she always has.

“I still don’t understand why you want to be with me, I’ll never be anything more than a bench warmer.” Ashlyn mumbles, leaning back against her pillow so Ali’s arms slide from around her. “You can do so much better than me Ali.”

“Why would I want better when I already have the best?” Ali replies, moving closer the Ashlyn and smiling at her before softly and slowly kissing her with every ounce of love that she has in her body. “I only want you Ash.”

“Alex.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, I really don’t deserve you, or the amount of love that you have for me.”

“Yes you do. You deserve everything that I have to give to you Ashlyn Harris.” Ali replies, straddling the keeper and lacing their fingers together, grazing her thumbs over the tops of Ashlyn’s hands.

“You are my everything Alex; we can get through this right?”

“Of course we can, we’ve been through worse. Ashlyn?”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Um sure.”

“Will you marry me? Not right now, you don’t have to say anything but in the future will you marry me and love me and be a part of my life forever.” Ali rambles and all Ashlyn can do is smile because everyone knows that Ali only rambles when she’s nervous.

“Yes.”


End file.
